


Meet The Odinson-Starks

by CarlyCo



Series: The Odinson-Stark Family [2]
Category: Fantastic Four, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: BAMF Tony, Clint really likes shrimp, F/M, Family Dinners, Family Feels, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Parent Loki, Parent Tony Stark, Reality TV, Tony Stark Does What He Wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4184037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlyCo/pseuds/CarlyCo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers are still reeling after learning that Tony Stark is engaged to their resident God of Mischief and Chaos but their entire world is upended when they turn up to Stark Manor unannounced. A double-life doesn't even begin to describe what their eccentric billionaire has been up to right under their noses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meet The Odinson-Starks

Staring out the window as the scenery quickly flew by Steve was struck by the resilience of New Yorkers. People were out shopping, socializing, and just living their lives in general. They behaved as if just a few hours ago a demented despot from Latveria hadn’t attacked the city with exploding robots. Perhaps the traffic was a bit more chaotic because of the detour routes the transportation authority established but overall life as a New Yorker continued per usual. The visible scars done to the streets and nearby buildings would remain for a while but they were more annoyances than anything of real consequence. 

Honestly, the visible scars probably wouldn’t remain for very long either. After Loki and the Chitauri destroyed a good portion of Midtown Manhattan, several reliable construction and architecture firms rose to the challenge. The city established yearly contracts with the companies to eliminate the bidding process that used to take place after every disaster—natural or otherwise. The bidding process would delay the rebuilding efforts for weeks or sometimes months depending on the level of corruption on both sides. Now the city kept two construction companies on retainer at all times. At the end of each fiscal year, the bidding process opened to allow other companies to throw their hats into the ring. As it was to be expected, there were some complaints and accusations of corruption but few could argue with the results. Repairs happened quicker than they ever had in the past.

Soon enough they were off the island and headed to Tony’s mansion. Lately, he spent more time in his house outside of the city than he did at the tower. When Steve first noticed the change, he thought it was because the eccentric billionaire needed space. Tony wasn’t exactly used to living in close quarters with other people. However, his decision made all the sense in the world now. Less time spent at the tower meant there was less of a chance that the Avengers would discover his relationship with Loki. He was concerned that Tony felt he had to hide such a big development in his life. They were friends—they were more than that. They were a family now.

Steve rubbed at his temples as he looked down at the text message from Director Fury. He cleared his throat and said, “I just received a message from Director Fury. Victor is in a medically induced coma. SHIELD’s doctors aren’t confident that he will live through the night. Fury said that something is interfering with the healing process. He thinks it might have something to do with Loki’s magic but he doesn’t care to have it reversed.”

Clint laughed and shook his head. “I would have called you insane this morning if you told me that bag of cats crazy Loki would take out the Fantastic Four’s number one enemy. Who knew all you had to do was plunge a knife in the bastard’s lung? How did Loki even know where to aim with all of that armor that Doom wears? I have tried a hundred times with my arrows. Tasha has gotten close a few times and her weapons didn’t make as much as a dent on his armor.”

Bruce replied, “I have come to two equally disturbing conclusions. Either Loki’s magic allowed her to locate the weak spot of Doom’s armor or she has intimate knowledge of its structure. I watched the footage from the encounter and Doom certainly seemed pleased when Loki first arrived. He obviously recognized her as a woman.”

Clint’s face wrinkled in disgust at the second option. “Oh, man. I don’t even want to think about Loki and Doom as a couple. I am suddenly very glad that Tony planted his flag there first. The last thing we need is two psychopaths working together to take over the world. I don’t think we’d have a fighting chance against the two of them.”

Natasha didn’t say anything but she wasn’t altogether sure that the very thing Clint was suggesting wasn’t already happening. From the moment they left Tony’s penthouse earlier, the assassin analyzed all of the facts she knew about Tony’s relationship with Loki’s public persona Lorena Labeau. Natasha had come to a few unsettling conclusions of her own that she hoped to verify tonight. The one salient point from their conversation earlier was that Tony Stark didn’t consider himself a hero. He did whatever was most advantageous for him at the time.

Steve put away his phone after sending a text message to Bucky and said, “I am not comfortable with dropping in on Tony like this. He was very specific about having dinner plans with Loki this evening. He obviously went to the mansion to have privacy in light of today’s revelations. I don’t think that we should agitate the situation more.”

Natasha glanced at him in the rearview mirror and then returned her gaze to the road. “After how things ended this afternoon I think it is a good idea that we speak to Tony and Loki directly and without Director Fury present. We still have to work with him on a daily basis. We live in his tower and use his tech. The Avengers’ connection with SHIELD is tangential at best. The director’s opinion is important but doesn’t dictate who remains an Avenger. You have final decision on the roster and that isn’t going to change. I think we can agree that we need Tony and Iron Man on the team.”

Rogers relaxed a little when he realized that this wasn’t meant to be a confrontation. He wasn’t sure that he trusted Loki but then again no one trusted Bucky except for him. The other Avengers just accepted that Bucky was going to be part of his life even if they were concerned that he might revert to the Winter Soldier and try to kill them all. They knew how important the man was to Steve. He could make the same sort of exception for Tony and Loki.

Clint piped up from the passenger seat. “Besides, I think Stark owes us more of an explanation. This afternoon he said that he was marrying Loki and basically said that we just had to deal with it. It was a dick move for him not to say anything to us sooner. We are his teammates and his friends. He should have been able to own his shit even if he knew we would have a problem with it. I wasn’t thrilled when he agreed to help Loki rebuild the Bifrost so that he could get out of the prison sentence he rightly deserved but I dealt with it.”

Bruce countered and said, “I don’t know that there would have ever been a good time to come to us with the truth. However, I think if he had told us this sooner rather than later that you wouldn’t be nearly as accepting, Clint. Loki helping us defeat the Skrull invasion went a long way to mending fences with all of us. He is free to return to Asgard as he wishes. Loki didn’t need to fight with us.”

Clint grunted a half acknowledgement because Bruce was right. He still didn’t like the bastard that used him as a puppet. He hated how Loki got off so easy for his crimes. However, he’d been involved in a bureaucracy for a long time and knew that there was always a deal to be made no matter how evil someone might be as long as they were useful. Loki’s ability to travel between the realms without the Bifrost or an outside power source along with his extensive knowledge of the rainbow bridge and the other realms made him invaluable. The only person more equipped to repair the Bifrost was Odin and he couldn’t devote the energy or hours necessary to complete the complicated rebuild.

However, when the Skrulls came to Earth last year Loki stepped up to help fight them off. He promised that as long as he lived on Midgard that he would help protect it from interlopers. He was a selfish bastard that always protected what he thought belonged to him. He saw the Skrulls invasion as personal ‘fuck you’ to Thor and him. Clint had a chance to get to know Loki a little better during that time. He still didn’t like him and would kill him if necessary but the hatred didn’t burn quite as brightly anymore. He wondered if Steve paired them together during the fight for just that reason—sneaky bastard.

“He still should have said something. Cap told us the truth about his feelings for Barnes. I wasn’t comfortable with the guy staying in the tower but at least I knew what was going on. Friends tell each other the truth even if it ends in arguments. If you are really friends you will find a way to work it out.”

Steve smiled wryly. “None of you needed me to tell you how I felt about Buck. It didn’t go unnoticed that I went missing for three months just to find him. You knew what was going on the moment I came back with him in tow. Besides, the circumstances couldn’t have been more different. Bucky was brainwashed and wasn’t remotely culpable for his actions. Loki might have had a mental breakdown prior to arriving here but he willingly admits he was in control at least part of the time.”

Clint scoffed and said, “In control enough to sabotage the invasion. I still don’t know that I buy that. He just doesn’t want to admit that we kicked his Frost Giant ass.”

Natasha shook her head and said, “If Thor is to be believed Loki is a skilled tactician. He claims his brother is perhaps one of the best in all of Asgard. Either Loki deliberately organized a terrible strategy that was bound to fail or he was so demented at the time that he wasn’t capable of stringing together a viable plan. I don’t think we will ever truly know which was the case. I am more concerned with what their plans are now.”

Bruce watched Natasha’s face carefully. “You are up to something else.”

She offered a half-smile. “I wouldn’t say that I am up to anything. However, I do have some questions. Tony and Loki knew this would come out at some point. They plan to marry. They couldn’t have meant to maintain this charade forever. There must be some sort of plan and I think it has to do with Loki’s female identity. Why else would Loki build an incredibly successful fashion house? Why have they let themselves be seen in public together on a semi-regular basis? Loki is a shape shifter and therefore he could presumably take any human shape. Why take the same one when Tony is known for his promiscuity? No one would bat an eyelash if he was seen with a new woman or every night. It was more conspicuous that this woman was obviously more than a fling.”

“A similar thought crossed my mind this afternoon,” Bruce confessed.

Natasha slowed down as she approached the gates of Stark Manor. Somehow, it had gone beyond their notice that Tony’s private home had turned into a fortress. The wrought iron gates were now at least seven feet tall. A thick row of evergreen hedges stood just behind the wrought iron fence to act as a privacy screen. Several security cameras were visible along the fence line. However, Natasha was certain there were probably several more hidden from view. 

She stopped at the guardhouse out front and quickly realized it was now an automated system. It was a smart move. Humans could be incapacitated, blackmailed, or even tricked. However, technology had none of those weaknesses. At best, it could be hacked but something told her that Stark made sure that was a virtual impossibility. She reached out of the car and pressed the call button.

JARVIS said, “Good evening and welcome to Stark Manor, Agent Romanov. Please enter your five digit access code.”

Natasha quirked an eyebrow but entered her personal access code from the Avengers Tower as instructed. She wasn’t surprised that JARVIS was entrusted with the security because Tony trusted his AI more than he trusted anyone else. However, she was curious as to what needed so much protection.

JARVIS said, “Thank you. Please place your right hand on the biometric scanner, Agent Romanov.”

A panel shifted and revealed the biometric scanner.

Natasha placed her hand onto the scanner and allowed it verify her identity. Now she was certain that something was afoot.

JARVIS said, “Thank you for your cooperation, Agent Romanov. Please drive directly to the main house. Have a pleasant evening.”

“Thank you, JARVIS.”

Clint huffed and asked, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Bruce cleared his throat. “Well, at least JARVIS didn’t ask for a retinal scan.”

Clint replied, “I thought that would be the next request. We jump through as many hoops to enter the Triskelion.”

Natasha rolled the window up and put the car in drive as the gates began to open. She drove along the tree-lined driveway noting the passive security measures. The lampposts automatically turned on as the car passed them as if they were set on a motion detector. Natasha stopped once they reached the four-story stone-faced Victorian home. 

Clint leaned forward in his seat a bit and counted six cars parked out front. He said, “Looks like he is having a dinner party and he didn’t even invite us. That fucker. I bet there are shrimp in there.”

Natasha glared in his direction as she parked the car. “That’s what is on your mind? Aren’t you more concerned about who he has invited to a dinner party he is hosting with Loki? We were under the impression that no one knew about this relationship. It was a surprise even to Thor.”

The archer uttered a stunned, “Oh…”

Steve added, “Or why Tony feels as if he needs so much security.”

The Avengers piled out of the SUV and walked along the flagstone pathway that led up to the house. Tony opened the double-doors before they could knock. He was dressed just as casually as he was earlier in the evening so it seemed that this was not a formal dinner party. He had a glass of scotch in one hand and wore a cocky smirk.

He glanced at his watch and said, “Frankly, Loki expected all of you earlier. Thor has been here for two hours. We are having drinks in the living room. Come on in. Dinner won’t be served for another 30 minutes. We are having all of Loki’s favorite dishes. We have to keep the pregnant Asgardian happy. I’m sure you understand.”

Steve looked sheepish. “You were expecting us?”

“Sure. I told you that I am engaged to a mostly reformed super villain who is pregnant with my love child. It would be weird if you didn’t turn up to my house uninvited. The good news is that you didn’t show up with a gaggle of SHIELD agents. Listen, I am sure that you have questions and we are willing to answer them for the next 30 minutes,” he replied.

Steve shook Tony’s hand and said, “Thank you for letting us in, Tony. I know it was presumptuous for us to barge in on you like this.”

The inventor closed the door and shrugged his shoulders. “Thor is already here drinking all of my beer and getting all weepy about Loki growing up. He keeps calling me brother. The more the merrier or whatever…”

Natasha observed their surroundings as Tony led them out of the grand two-story foyer and into the living room. Immediately, she realized that the décor had undergone a major overhaul since her last visit. For as far as the eye could see the house was decorated with elegant furniture, expensive art, and antiques. Some of the antiques looked to be from Asgard or perhaps Jotunheim judging by the age and strangeness of the designs.

Loki was seated on a long custom-made couch situated near a large stone fireplace. She was dressed in a simple cobalt blue maxi dress. The flimsy material accentuated the small but ever present baby bump in a way that the oversized sweater she wore earlier did not.

Thor was seated at the other end of the same couch with a large glass of beer in his hand. His eyes were red-rimmed as if he had stopped crying only moments ago.

Loki smiled. “Welcome to our home, Avengers. Please have a seat.”

They all sat on the couch opposite the one where Loki was seated. The situation was even stranger than the scene earlier in Tony’s penthouse. This felt too domestic—it felt too much like this was a family’s home.

Tony smirked and said, “You owe me, Cupcake. I told you that they would be late. We should have pushed dinner an hour to account for the arguing that must have occurred to get Steve and Bruce to agree to show up here uninvited.”

Loki sighed dramatically. “I saved your life today. I think we can call the wager a push. No?”

He leaned down and kissed her. “How long are you going to call in that chit?”

“How long do you intend to live?”

Tony laughed and kissed her again. “I suppose that’s fair.” He turned his attention to his friends. “Would any of you like something to drink?”

Bruce looked at the tea service set on the table. “I wouldn’t mind a cup of tea.”

Loki picked up her teacup and took a sip. She said, “I am afraid it is just an herbal tea but if you would like something different Fulla can prepare it for you.”

“Oh, herbal tea is fine with me. I actually prefer it,” Bruce replied.

Steve added, “And me.”

Loki smiled and said, “Well, then help yourselves.”

Tony looked at Natasha and Clint. “What about you two, Frick and Frack? Last call for drinks before I sit down.”

The two assassins shook their heads declining a beverage. Natasha wondered where the rest of Tony and Loki’s dinner guests were hiding. It seemed odd to leave them unattended while they chatted in the living room. Natasha kept feeling as if she was missing a rather large piece of the puzzle.

Tony had a seat beside Loki on the couch after refreshing his drink at the bar. He draped an arm behind her back. “What’s up, guys?”

Steve gave a wary look to Natasha. He still wasn’t sure how to go about this. There wasn’t really any plan and as usual Natasha had her own agenda. His only goal here was to not make things any worse. Director Fury’s reaction had made the situation contentious enough for all of them.

Loki said, “Well, all of you must have questions or something to say since you have intruded on our privacy this evening. We will answer any questions that you have provided they are not offensive or invasive.”

Natasha studied Loki’s face closely. “We are here to let Tony know that he is still in good standing with the Avengers. We value his contributions to the team and his relationship with you doesn’t change that. However, I think it will take all of us some time to come to terms with this development. I’m sure you understand.”

Tony huffed out a laugh. “Oh! You mean I get to continue risking my life and spending my money to fund the Avengers. Thank you. I really appreciate all of you being so fucking open-minded about the situation.”

Steve cleared his throat. “Tony, you have to understand the position you have put us in by carrying on a relationship with Loki. Some people have accepted SHIELD’s account of Loki’s participation in the invasion but there are others that believe it is a larger conspiracy to protect Thor’s little brother. There will be a backlash against all of us when the public learns that you are in a relationship with Loki. The easier course would be to part ways with you and disavow the relationship but we wouldn’t do that. You are our friend, Tony. If you have found love then I am personally very happy for you.”

Tony scowled and just took a gulp from his glass of scotch.

Loki rubbed his knee. “Oh, do stop pouting. It is unbecoming, Anthony. Your friends are right. There will be a backlash and we’ve known that from the moment we decided that we were more than just fuck buddies.”

Thor groaned. “Loki, I wish that you would not use such crass phrases. What if mother was to hear the way you speak?”

She rolled her eyes at Thor and then focused in on Natasha. “Come now, little spider. Your captain might be here to tell Tony he’s still an Avenger but I think we both know that you are here for another reason entirely.”

Natasha didn’t appear ruffled by Loki’s ability to see through her. She said, “I think we are concerned about how you intend to handle your relationship publically. It seems improbable that you intend to maintain this charade permanently. There must be some sort of plan. We would like to know what it is and what the Avengers exposure will be. We will need SHIELD to help navigate all of the attention this is sure to garner. The public could turn on all of us if it isn’t handled properly.”

Loki laughed airily and took a sip of her tea. “You are right that there was a plan. It was a very good plan that went up in smoke this afternoon when Victor nearly killed Anthony. I was forced to tip my hand not only to you but also to the public. I am sure SHIELD has informed you that there are already videos of my attack on Victor circulating on the internet. The questions about Lorena Labeau’s identity are beginning to swirl. There are theories that she is secretly another super hero.”

There was loud crash from somewhere upstairs. The Avengers all jolted as if to prepare for a battle.

Tony rolled his eyes at their reaction and asked, “JARVIS, is everyone alive up there?”

“Yes, sir. It was just a bit a roughhousing but no one was injured. However, the same cannot be said for the bust of Odin in the hallway. I am afraid it shattered upon impact. Judging by the range of sizes of the shards it is unlikely that you would be successful in reassembling the bust.”

Tony deadpanned, “Darn. I really liked the creepy bust whose eyes seemed to follow me when I walked by it at night.”

Thor looked offended, “Brother Tony, it was a gift from the halls of Asgard. It is hundreds of years old and used to reside in the All-Father’s personal library.”

The inventor shrugged and said, “Tell them to knock it off before someone gets hurt.”

“That is an unnecessary directive, sir. Master Sleipnir has taken the situation in hand.”

The Avengers seemed to relax but now they had more questions than ever.

Natasha cleared her throat and looked at Loki. “You were going to tell us about your plan.”

“Oh, yes. Well, I have studied modern Midgardian culture. Your baseball players take performance-enhancing drugs, your politicians engage in extramarital affairs, and your athletes commit violent acts against women and children. Yet they are forgiven with a few meaningless acts of contrition and a well-crafted letter of apology. Americans love a good tale of redemption. Therefore, I shall give them one. Lorena Labeau has quietly donated millions of dollars to charities dedicated to repairing the damage done to New York and helping those affected by the attack. I didn’t do it as Loki Odinson because I did not want the credit. I only wanted to try to help heal some small part of the damage I helped cause here. I was not of sound mind or body during the invasion but I do feel guilty for the suffering I helped facilitate.”

Bruce cleared his throat and said, “That is a start and will certainly win over some of your critics but it isn’t enough.”

Loki said, “Well, that is only the beginning of the plan. Mind you, we understand that no matter what there will be detractors. We have not deluded ourselves into believing that all will love us. However, we have decided to help the public at large get to know us better. Anthony and I will feed the insatiable curiosity of mortals and they will lap it up.”

Steve cautiously asked, “What does that mean?”

Tony replied, “There will be a two-hour primetime special filmed right here in Stark Manor. The public will get the opportunity to meet the real Loki and they will get some behind the scenes footage of our life here together. We are also doing an interview and photo shoot with the entire family that will be featured in a magazine. The issue will be reproduced in the UK, Brazil, France, and Italy. It will be released while we are on vacation for the holidays.”

Loki added, “The kids will share holiday snaps via social media. Anthony and I will make our first public debut in the middle of January at Stark Industries’ annual star-studded gala. We will make more appearances that are public leading up to our wedding in June. It will be billed as a royal wedding. Tony is the closest thing America has to a prince and I am a prince or princess of Asgard depending on my mood. Members of Asgard’s royal court will attend, as will members of Jotunheim’s royal court. Our marriage will serve as an alliance between the three realms. Earth may rest easy knowing that Asgard and Jotunheim will defend them if others from the Nine Realms and beyond try to invade it. Anthony and I will allow a film crew to document the ceremony and the days leading up to it. In short, we are going to become media darlings.”

Steve gawked at them. He looked at Natasha and said, “I guess they did have a plan.”

Tony laughed and smiled at his friend. “Of course there was a plan. We’re both regarded as geniuses for a reason.”

Clint snorted and mocked, “Evil geniuses.”

Loki preened and said, “Thank you, Barton. My evil genius is so rarely acknowledged here.”

Thor quietly chided her, “Loki…”

“Not all of us desire to be heroes, brother dear. I, for one, enjoy life much more when there is a little mischief afoot. It keeps things interesting. Like right now your friends are wondering who is upstairs. I can see the wheels feebly turning in their heads.”

An older woman with long blond hair pulled up into a bun walked into the room. She said, “Dinner will be served in three minutes.”

Tony said, “Thank you, Fulla.” He still wasn’t used to the odd woman. However, Fulla was a present from Frigga on the occasion of his engagement to Loki. Formerly, the woman served as one of the queen’s handmaidens. Now she was the house manager for Stark Manor and looked after the children when necessary.

She inclined her head in his direction and then disappeared as silently as she arrived. There was something other-worldly about the woman and it caught Natasha’s attention.

Tony said, “JARVIS, tell the minions it is dinner time and that the Avengers are here.”

“Fulla informed the children that dinner was ready first. I told them of the Avengers’ arrival earlier. They have already made their way into the dining room.”

The inventor stood up and offered Loki his hand. He looked at the Avengers and said, “Well, come on you lot. You are already here so you might as well have dinner with us. We can talk more about our plans later. Now you get to meet the family.”

Steve got to his feet first and the rest of the Avengers followed. “Thank you for inviting us to dinner, Tony. I hope there is enough.”

Tony turned around and led the way to the massive dining room. “Like I said…we were expecting you. We planned for the extra mouths. Besides, Loki invited Thor so we doubled the amount we would normally have anyway.” 

Loki smirked at the offended look on Thor’s face as they entered the dining room. “You know it to be true. Your appetite rivals even that of Volstagg’s.”

A custom-made mahogany table sat in the center of the elegant dining room. The three tiered crystal chandelier overhead gently lit the room. An impressive buffet of food sat off to the side of the room in warming trays. A fully stocked wet bar occupied the back corner.

However, Natasha didn’t notice any of that because of the people sitting around the massive table. Some of them she recognized but others were a complete mystery to her. She was now certain that it was a better to keep Tony and Loki on their side. It would seem that they had allies—powerful allies.

Steve was just the opposite. He noticed the children first. The youngest, which looked to be two or three years old, was seated in a booster seat while he played with a strange toy made of metal and wood. The carvings on the box looked like runes.

Tony and Loki walked around to the head of the table but remained standing. She picked up the toddler that abandoned his toy and reached for her the moment she was in range.

The inventor turned his attention to his friends. “I guess we should get the introductions over with so that we can eat dinner. This is not a very patient bunch when food is involved. Trust me. I wanted to do a von Trapp-esque introduction but no one wanted to sing. We’ll do this the boring way: from eldest to youngest.”

A tall young man with jet-black hair peaking out of a gray knit cap smiled at them. He had ghostly gray eyes and wore pair of black rimmed glasses. He looked to be in his mid-twenties. In a British sounding accent he said, “I am Sleipnir. I am Loki’s eldest son. No, my father was not a horse and I take offense to the implication that my mother would copulate with a beast in any form. If I were you, I wouldn’t make any jests that suggest otherwise.” His smile turned friendlier as he looked at the woman beside him. He added, “I am sure you are well acquainted with my girlfriend, Wanda Maximoff.”

Wanda flashed a knowing smile at the uncomfortable Avengers. She was obviously enjoying whatever this was. Wanda assisted the gilded heroes when the Skrulls invaded but otherwise she kept her distance. She was no hero and didn’t pretend to be.  Wanda picked up her glass of wine and took a delicate sip to keep her from laughing outright. Her wicked sense of humor made her a perfect fit for the Odinson-Stark Family.

Peter cleared his throat from across the table. He said, “I don’t know why I have to introduce myself other than the fact that my father and Step-Loki have a flair for the dramatic. However, I am willing to be play along because Dad fell out of the sky today. I am Peter, Tony’s oldest son. And all of you already know my fiancée Mary Jane. She benevolently puts up with this mob.”

Mary Jane blushed and elbowed him. “Peter, I adore your family. They are a barrel of laughs.”

A young woman with snow-white hair that hung down her back in a ponytail looked at the Avengers with mischievous eyes. She had piercing emerald green eyes and a devilish little smirk on her full lips. “I’m Hela. Loki’s oldest daughter and Wade Wilson or Deadpool as he insists on everyone calling him is my fiancé. Your mortal tales about me are woefully inaccurate so please don’t try to apply them to me. Although, I suppose they are kinder to me than they are to my older brother. I mean a horse? Really? What kind of deviants are you to even think up such a tale? ”

Wade didn’t bother to acknowledged the Avengers at all. He nursed the cocktail in his hand and monitored the proceedings warily. His attention was solely focused on Natasha. She was the one to be worried about in this situation. His hand itched for a knife that wasn’t there. Tony and Loki had a strict no weapons policy for Family Fun Nights.

Darcy gave a little wave and said, “Uh, this is super weird. You guys know who I am so I am not going to introduce myself like Petey did. I was on board with the whole von Trapp entrance but no one wanted me to sing because I couldn’t carry a tune in several buckets. Anyway, I just want you guys to know that we are totally cool with our Step-Loki. Okay, I am done now.”

The brown-skinned man with closely cropped hair next to Darcy elbowed her. “Babe…”

“Oh, I’ve been dating Johnny Storm for awhile but we didn’t see how it was any of your business so…yeah there’s that. It’s still not any of your business but we all agreed to do this Dad and Step-Loki’s way.”

Tony motioned to a teenager at the end of the table. The boy was ignoring everyone while staring intently at a phone. “That’s Jormungand. He goes by Jor or Drake depending on his moods. He’s a sophomore in high school and an overall pain in the neck.”

Loki frowned deeply and added, “A boy that had better put that phone away before I destroy it. How many will that be this month, Jormungand? I have told you a million times that there are no phones during Family Fun Night. Even Anthony puts his away.”

Thor snorted thinking that Loki sounded very much like their mother when she scolded them.

The blond spiky haired teenager glared at Loki and huffed, “Chill out. I got bored waiting for Dad’s friends to get here. Besides, it is not like I can’t get another one. He has tons of them lying around the house.”

Tony pointed at the boy and said, “Oi! Show your mother some respect or I will have JARVIS shut down all of your devices until further notice.”

Steve was a little taken aback by this paternal showing from Tony. He came into Peter and Darcy’s lives when they were teenagers and was more a friend than a parent to them.

Jormungand rolled his eyes and whined, “You always take her side. These dinners are boring. All of you are sooo boring and old.”

Peter reached around Mary Jane and thumped the boy on the back of the neck. “Cut it out, Jor.”

Jormungand grumbled but settled down because Tony and Loki were both looking at him with disapproving glares. He turned off his phone and shoved it into his pocket. “I turned it off. Sorry…”

Peter ruffled his hair. “That’s better.”

Sleipnir smirked and said, “Yeah, you can talk to your girlfriend later, Jor.”

Jormungand’s face went pink and he said, “Shut up! She is not my girlfriend.”

Johnny chuckled and asked, “Sofia isn’t your girlfriend?”

“No,” he huffed.

Peter grinned at that. “So that wasn’t a Christmas gift for Sofia that I helped you pick out last weekend?”

Darcy, Hela, and Mary Jane let out a collective, “Awww.”

Tony chuckled and asked, “Did you at least get her something nice, kid?”

Jormungand puffed out his chest a bit and said, “Of course I did. She loved the gift.”

Tony smiled proudly at Jormungand. “That’s my boy.” He motioned to a slightly younger boy with shaggy dirty blond hair that was seated on the other side of Jormungand. “That is Harley. He is a freshman in high school—the little overachiever. I adopted him and his sister a little over six months ago. Actually, tomorrow we are having a party to celebrate the finalization of the adoption.”

Harley stopped whispering with Jormungand and stifled a giggle. He smiled. “Hi!”

Tony picked up a little girl just to his right and said, “This is Krissy. She is the youngest girl in our family. I adopted her at the same time I adopted Harley. She is in the 2nd grade and she’d really like this dinner to be over so that she go and play with her new puppy.”

Krissy nodded eagerly and tightened her arms around Tony’s neck. She buried her face in his shoulder bashfully.

Sleipnir laughed and opened his arms. “Give her to me. You know how she is around new people.”

Tony handed the girl off to Sleipnir and she quickly glommed onto him.

Krissy grabbed the knit cap off Sleipnir head to reveal an unruly mop of jet-black hair. She put on her head and grinned up at her older brother.

Tony then turned his attention to Loki. “And this little guy is Fenrir. He’s supposed to be sitting in his own chair but Loki is incapable of letting him do that.”

Loki huffed out a laugh. “Krissy and Fenrir are the only children that are still willing to give me a cuddle. Jormungand runs from the room screaming when I try to hug him. I am going to enjoy this for as long as it lasts.”

“You’ll have a new baby to cuddle soon enough,” Tony said.

Hela said, “Hopefully, the baby is a girl. Darcy, Krissy, and I are on an island here.”

Darcy nodded in agreement. “I second that. This family is a real sausage fest. Step-Loki is only a woman like half of the time. We need someone on our team full-time.”

Loki laughed and said, “I can turn your father into a woman if you’d like, Darcy.”

Darcy and Hela smiled evilly. “We should take a vote!”

Hela added, “I vote yes. Step-Tony would make an awesome woman! Look at those hips.”

Loki smirked and said, "I agree. You would be a gorgeous woman."

Tony growled at Loki and slapped her on the butt playfully. He said, “Save it for the bedroom, Cupcake.”

A chorus of groans went up from the room.

Tony shrugged and said, “Hey, that’s how you all are getting a new sibling. Deal with it. I’m accepting the apple after Lokes and I get married so you can expect hell of a lot more siblings.” He smiled and said, “I am glad that the introductions are over. I know everyone here is starving so let’s eat!”

The Avengers felt too shocked and disoriented to move at first. However, they quickly realized they were in the way of a horde of hungry adolescents and young adults. It definitely wasn’t a safe place to be. They stepped out of the way and let everyone form a queue for the buffet. Voices in the room rose to a fevered pitch as people shouted instructions at each other. Everyone made a trip down the buffet line and piled their plates up with delicacies.

As Clint sat down at the table with his plate, he grinned. “I knew there would be shrimp.”

Natasha had a seat beside him but felt incredibly uncomfortable. She didn’t like walking into a situation she couldn’t exactly suss out. She looked at Thor. “You didn’t know about all of this beforehand…did you?”

Thor bit into a hunk of roasted pig. He said, “Nay. I was only invited to dinner tonight but I have been assured that I will now receive a weekly invitation to _Family Fun Night_. I look forward to more dinners with my kin.”

Steve asked, “ _Family Fun Night_? Is that what this is?”

Tony sat down beside Loki and said, “Yeah. We get together once a week with all of the kids that can make it to dinner. We eat dinner, watch movies, and play video games. It is not always possible with everyone’s schedules but everyone tries to make it. It’s hard work keeping a blended family together.”

Loki nodded in agreement. “Speaking of which, children, Anthony and I decided where we will go on holiday this year. All of your lovely suggestions were considered in the process. There were several very good options.”

Tony pointed at Hela and said, “Except for yours, Hela. Your suggestion was just mean spirited and was immediately thrown into the discard pile.”

The young woman giggled and asked, “Are you certain you would not like to spend the holidays on Asgard, Step-Tony? It would be a most enjoyable experience.”

The other adult children laughed heartily.

Thor even laughed and said, “A very good choice indeed, niece. Father would be ever so pleased to host the mortal that has impregnated his youngest heir without a brudlaup ceremony.”

The engineer huffed. “We’re getting married…just not yet and it will definitely be right here on Earth. We are going to wait until after the sprog is born. Anyway, I got off track there for a minute.”

Loki laughed and said, “You always do.”

He huffed and then said, “We are going on holiday in Chamonix. The renovations of the chalet were completed in the spring so it is ready for all of us. We are going to leave the day after Christmas. Don’t worry about ski gear because JARVIS has had everything delivered to the chalet.”

Steve said, “Uh, Tony…how long will you be gone? You will be leaving the team one short.”

Loki said, “Ah, that would be two short, Captain. Thor will be coming with us. If I did not invite the oaf, he would follow me around with sad puppy dog eyes. The Fantastic Four will also be missing one and of course Peter will be unavailable.”

Tony said, “We’ll be gone for two weeks but don’t worry. If something breaks out just give me a call and Loki will teleport us back here.”

Loki said, “And I will eviscerate the fiend that dared interrupt my holiday plans. All of the children and their wonderful partners will be joining us this year. We are going to enjoy a traditional Midgardian holiday if it kills us.”

Sleipnir laughed. “Mother gets very cranky when she is pregnant.”

“I do not.”

“As one who has survived all of your pregnancies I beg to differ, mother.”

Thor nodded and said, “Aye, you become as disagreeable as a bilgesnipe when you are with child, Loki. You once made Volstagg cry into his mead during a feast. He simply asked if you had consumed the last of the roasted boar.”

Loki sniffed and folded her arms over her chest. “I was constantly hungry when I carried Jormungand. My appetite could not be helped. He was insinuating that I was huge and that I had consumed the entire boar on my own. I had to defend my honor as no one else was willing to do it.”

Thor’s face looked pinched and he cautiously said, “But Loki…you did eat the entire roasted boar on your own. No one else at our table had even a morsel. We had to call for another and you ate half of that as well. Then you proceeded to berate us for the remainder of the night.”

The table burst into laughter with Tony laughing the hardest.

Loki shot him a glare. “What was that, Anthony?”

“I am just saying that you are not your normal ray on sunshine the further you get into this pregnancy. Those super human hormones are a bitch.” He cleared his throat when he realized he was doing himself no favors. He really didn’t want Loki to turn his armor green again. “Anyway, we’ll come home and kill or arrest anyone that fucked with our holiday plans and then we’ll go back to Chamonix.”

Loki tsked. “Very nice job swearing in front of Fenrir. He’s certain to pick it up. If he curses in front of my mother I will hang you by your toes from the Bifrost.”

Tony scooped the boy out of Loki’s lap and kissed the top of his head. “You won’t curse in front of grandma—will you? You wouldn’t want to get Daddy into any trouble—right?”

Fenrir looked up at Tony with a grin and offered him a half-eaten piece of chicken. “Daddy eat!”

Tony accepted the piece of chicken and tucked it into a napkin. “Thank you, son. It really hit the spot.”  He directed his attention to the Avengers. “So, what did you think of our plan?”

Steve looked at the assembled guests and cleared his throat. “Perhaps it would be better to wait until after dinner.”

Hela shrugged. “We will just have JARVIS play the real-time footage of the conversation. We’d very much like to know what you think of our parents’ relationship.”

A cold wave swept over the room.

Loki said, “Do try to behave, love.”

Hela laughed and said, “I am your daughter. My mischief should not be so surprising. Besides I think we are in good shape seeing as I haven’t set anything on fire.”

Peter snorted and added, “Yet.”

Hela tossed a piece of bread at Peter and stuck out her tongue.

Darcy said, “I can’t do cool stuff like make the room get colder but I’d be very pissed off at any attempt to break up or harm my parental units.”

Steve said, “It is nothing like that. We know that we have no right to dictate whom Tony dates. Loki hasn’t hurt anyone since the attack on New York and he has allied with us when it counted.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “I’m just here for the shrimp. I don’t care what the two of you do. I don’t like Loki and I won’t like him.” He hooked his thumb in Loki’s direction. “Or her no matter how smoking hot she looks even knocked up.” Clint’s eyes lingered on her breasts for a moment too long.

Sleipnir and Thor both looked at Clint with narrowed eyes.

Sleipnir said, “Have care in how you speak about my mother, Agent Barton. As her eldest son, I would be forced to challenge you to a fight to the death. You would most certainly lose.”

Steve stuttered, “I don’t think Clint meant any harm, Sleipnir.”

Thor laughed heartily at the shocked look on Barton’s face. “My nephew is only making sport of you. He would not challenge you to a fight to the death.” He bit into another hunk of roasted pig. “It is I that would have to defend Loki’s honor. I promise that your death will be swift and glorious.”

“You can’t be serious! Asgard still has fights to the death?” asked Clint.

Thor nodded and said, “Aye, we take matters of honor seriously. Normally, Loki would face you in battle but as you can obviously see…she is with child. Her next male relative would make the challenge in her place.”

Hela giggled evilly.  “Uncle Thor, stop teasing your friend. He’s gone completely off his shrimp cocktail.” She smiled at Clint. “Asgard has not engaged in such battles since my mother was but a youngling. And even being pregnant she would snap you like a wishbone.”

Thor chuckled and said, “She would.”

Clint cautiously picked up another shrimp and bit into it. “This is a madhouse.”

Tony laughed at the archer and winked. “Tony Stark’s Home for the Criminally Insane is at your service.”

Loki smiled at Steve and said, “Captain Rogers you look quite distressed.”

Tony nudged Loki with his shoe. He didn’t want her teasing Steve because the man did look genuinely upset.

Steve said, “It’s just that Tony has adopted children and obviously has a family here and he didn’t think to share any of this with us. I understand why he didn’t tell us about his relationship with you. I don’t understand why he would leave us in the dark about all of the other wonderful things happening in his life. Maybe you don’t share that information with colleagues or SHIELD but certainly you tell the people you risk your life for every day.”

Tony hated the wounded expression on Steve’s face. He had the puppy dog thing down almost as well as Thor did. He said, “I told Pepper and Rhodey because I knew that I could trust them to understand what this meant to me. Loki didn’t tell anyone about this. The only reason Odin and Frigga knew is because the creepy gatekeeper of Asgard spies on us to make sure Loki is behaving. This house—this family is our sanctuary. We are happy here and inviting in scrutiny from the outside wasn’t something we welcomed. You saw the way Fury reacted this afternoon. Instead of seeing my family…he would see a threat. My family comes first. They will always come first. I love each and every one of these weird little bastards from Sleipnir down to Fenrir and everyone in between. I will protect them at all costs. May the deity of your choice help anyone that gets in the way of that.”

Bruce looked around the table and saw the looks of love and pride on the older children’s faces. Krissy and Fenrir seemed rather oblivious to the goings-ons.

Loki held Tony’s hand under the table. Glenfiddich might have been the reason that they started screwing around but the fire in that man’s chest was the reason Loki fell in love with him. It was the reason why Loki trusted him with the most important people in the Nine.

Hela teased, “Way to go all Braveheart on your friends, Step-Tony.” However, the small smile on her face spoke to her true affection for the inventor.

Darcy muttered. “He got me right in the feels.”

Mary Jane nodded in agreement.

Tony smirked at them and shrugged. “I’m not sure why all of you are surprised. I’m Iron Man which means I am spectacular at everything.”

Sleipnir huffed out a laugh. “And he’s back.”

Steve cleared his throat and nodded in understanding. “Maybe sometime we can get a drink and you can tell me all about your family, Tony.”

“Yeah, I’d like that, Cap.”


End file.
